No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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