I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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