i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
