wrigley field is MILF paradise
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Let's paint friendship bongs
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
