Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
