I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
