so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I know her cup size but not her name....
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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