wrigley field is MILF paradise
I wanna passion pit in your ass
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
