So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
