You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
