thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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