If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
