so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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