they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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