Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
