I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
