seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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