i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
