Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
