so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
