Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
