We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
