Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
