why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
