i can't believe i had my finger in that
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
