So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
