Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Is Oprah even human
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
