why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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