You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I fill condoms, not promises.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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