the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
