I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
