thus making me awesome and them whores
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
