I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
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