Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Randomize
