Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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