So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
