Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
