Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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