you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
