Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
