how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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