well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Shame - the story of my life.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
