i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
