well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
