I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
