You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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