My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
