when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize