My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
