so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
