sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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