you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
