I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize