yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize