But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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