I CAN MOONWALK!
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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