He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
