People in love make me want to vomit
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
