Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
