tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
