Who wears a wallet chain?!
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
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