I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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