And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i can't believe i had my finger in that
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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