The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Randomize