That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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